This week we will take a hiatus from speaking about our wardrobes and speak about invitation etiquette. Of late I have been invited to numerous social events at which I took the opportunity of observing the some appalling etiquette or lack thereof where invitations are concerned. So I have taken it upon myself to enlighten us about information conveyed by the invitation whether, printed, electronic or verbal. The Collins New English Dictionary defines courtesy as politeness or good manners. I thought to define this word as it will appear frequently in this article.
R.S.V.P
The four letters printed at the bottom of the majority of invitations we have seen. I bet most people do not know what this abbreviation stands for and means. I know some people thought the numbers that came with the letters RSVP were for calling for directions if you were lost. Répondez. S’il. Vous. Plaît is French for please reply. One should not only reply to say that they will be attending but also to inform the guest if they are not attending. Imagine you invite 300 guests to your wedding and 20 are unable to attend. You save $25 per head on catering, $7 each on those fancy chairs from hiring specialists plus on glassware, silverware and crockery. If your guests had informed you that they would not be there you would have saved $500 on catering alone. It also allows the host to plan better be it hiring less tableware or planning her seating chart. Responding to the invitation is common courtesy to your host or hostess.
BRING A DATE
Some invites may ask you to bring a date in which case please take one by all means. If you do not have one communicate that you will be attending alone (for the reasons stated above). It is not taboo to attend the event alone. If the invite is addressed to only you it is not OK for you to just show up with your date. If you have a friend or sibling visiting for the weekend and you would like them to tag along call the host and ask if they would mind if you brought a date. Your host may extend an invitation to your guest but if they do mind you may need to forfeit attending the event or attend for a shorter time and return to your visitor. In Zimbabwe, sometimes, we feel entitled to show up at every other gathering whether we are invited or not. No one can blame us because there is not a lot happening on our social scene however no host likes a Party Crasher, even if they know you.
BRING YOUR OWN
BOTTLE
These are terms that are beginning to find their way onto invitations, particularly informal ones. Here the host wants to throw a party without shouldering the costs of providing drinks. Guests bring any drink of their choice and it is their prerogative if they would like to share it with other guests or not.
AFTC
Ask Friends To Contribute towards the gathering, what we here would call a Bring and Share. During this time of the global financial crisis these kinds of gatherings may become more popular. This works for casual gatherings like braais or picnics. If you are hosting a more formal gathering like a sit-down dinner, the “A” stands for allow. If your guests offer to bring something go for it, if they do not provide everything yourself.
TAKE SOMETHING WITH YOU
When you receive an invite to a get together, be it, watching a movie, lunch or a braai, it is courteous to either ask the host if they need something or better yet just arrive with something in hand. Even a 2- litre bottle of Mazoe Orange juice, anything you can. This is not a must, it is just courteous. If it is a wedding give whatever you can, even $10. If 20 people gave $10 it will amount to $200 which may come across as insignificant but I assure to the newlyweds it will go some way towards covering some outstanding debts. Giving whatever you have also fosters a culture of giving which is not bad at all.
PUNCTUALITY
This one is mainly for my African and Asian brothers and sisters. My Caucasian ones seem to be inherently punctual. The thing is not that we are unable to be punctual we just do not value punctuality. Be it parent-teacher meetings or weddings we seldom arrive or start and the mentioned time. It’s as though we work on a different clock. I have attended a number of African weddings were the programme is running at least one hour behind time due to a late start. At some weddings the bride is on time but she has to wait for tete (aunt) so and so to arrive. Whose wedding is it, anyway? I know the bride needs to arrive fashionably late but if you arrive an hour late you are no longer fashionably late. You are late.
DRESS CODE
Respect the dress code. You may not be in favour of the dress code but it is not your event so just suck it up and grin and bear it. Hosts choose your dress codes wisely considering your location, the season and time of day. Asking guests to dress formally when they are going to be out in the bush will not work because no one wants to wear their best dress or suit out in the bush. You do not want your guests cursing you at your event.
Now we can go out and be improved guests and hosts.