Q: How do I defuse contentious conversation at the holiday table?
A: "How about those (insert team of choice here)?" The key is to abruptly change the topic of conversation, advises Post. "It's an acknowledgment that you're having a heated moment, and it gives the subject some closure," she says. "You can even be more direct: 'I think this one is too hot to handle, let's switch gears.' " And if you're the one in the middle of the debate? Say, "We'll have to agree to disagree." Repeat as necessary.
Q: I'm flooded with charitable requests this time of year, but I've already given to the organization I support. How do I turn down others without coming off as a Scrooge?
A: Keep it simple: "As terrific as your cause sounds, I've already made my donations for the year." If you'd like, ask for more information so you can contribute at a later date. "You don't need to go into detail, or justify your budget to anyone," says Post. "It's OK to turn a request down. Everyone knows that we have to pick and choose how we spend our money."
Q: We just lost a close family member and will be having a low-key holiday this year. How do I respond when someone asks what we're doing? I don't want to be a downer.
A: "We're having a quiet Christmas." No elaboration necessary unless it's someone who's close to you, says Post. In which case you might want to say, "I think this first Christmas without Granddad will be a quiet one."
Q: I often give gifts to couples, for example, dinner for two, two event tickets, etc. I always address the gift to both people, but most often only one of the two thanks me. Am I wrong to feel slighted that I'm not getting thanks from both?
A: An A-plus thank-you note would not only reference both receivers but would be signed by both of them, too, says Post. "Obviously, only one person can write the note, but adding two signatures isn't burdensome and it appropriately expresses your gratitude."
But no one gives out report cards for appreciation. So while the solo thank you can be improved upon, it isn't incorrect. "I'd let it go," advises Post.
Q. Can I send e-cards instead of physical holiday cards?
It's OK to press send, but "know that it may not have the same staying power as a card sent through the mail," says Post. "Part of why we reach out during the holidays is to make a personal connection, which you do by picking out a card and jotting a handwritten note. There's a value in the whole package." That said, an electronic greeting is better than none at all.