It's been a long time since I had etiquette training during my sorority days at Oklahoma State University. So, I more than welcomed the opportunity Tuesday to partake in a luncheon conducted by business etiquette trainer Carey Sue Vega at Quail Creek Golf and Country Club.Thanks to my mother, I remember to keep my elbows off the table, close my mouth when I chew, and send a handwritten thank you-note within a few days after an event. And thanks to dogged manners training by the late Mrs. Juanita Enix, my beloved fifth-grade teacher at Ridgecrest Elementary in Midwest City, I'm ingrained with the importance of a nonwimpy handshake.
"Keep your hand upright and grasp firmly, making eye contact with the shaker,” Enix — and Vega — would tell me. Say "X (starting with the most important, or mature, person), I'd like to introduce to you to So-and-So. So-and-so, this is X.
I remember not to eat until the housemother, er host, eats first. But despite the tutelage of Mom Ault at the Theta house in Stillwater, I — well, 30 years later — have grown a little rusty on how to pass.
Take from the left and pass to the right. It's imperative you remember if the bread basket or Sweet-n-Low is nearest you, because you've got to get the ball, um breadbasket, rolling. It's courteous to first offer to the guest on your left, but keep a grip on the basket and pass to the right.
One more thing: Remember to pass the salt and pepper together, setting — not passing — them to your right.
In my defense, a lot has changed in the past three decades. There were no cell phones (shut them off and don't lay them on the table) and I doubt if men were concerned about being too chivalrous. At a business lunches today, nice guys may offend women, Vega said, if they help them with their chairs or stand up when they excuse themselves. Play it by ear and proceed cautiously, she advises.
Still, a lot of things haven't changed. For example, don't season your food before tasting. Henry Ford, Vega said, used to dismiss employment candidates who did, reasoning they'd want to change his company's culture before tasting it. Subject to similar scrutiny, professionals, she said, should limit themselves to one alcoholic drink at business dinners.
Perhaps the biggest confusion is whose water glass, and bread plate, is whose. The easiest way to remember that, Vega said, is through what she calls "silverware sign language.” If you make the OK sign with both hands, your bread plate is on the left, or "b” side, and drink on the right, or "d” side.
More tips
These are more tips from Vega. Clip them and send them to your adult daughter or son. I know my mother would.
• Nametags: Affix them high on upper right chest, in the direct view of people with whom you shake hands.
• Purses: Keep them under your chair where they're safe and out of the waiters' way.
• Napkins: Leave them folded in a triangle, with the straight side toward your waist. Should you temporarily excuse yourself, leave them on your seat, and to the left of your dinner plate, when you depart.
• Programs/menus: Leave them where they are, and let waiters serve atop them.
• Forks: Start with your salad fork, which is typically on the outside. The dessert fork, or spoon, is situated above your plate. When you're finished, lay the utensils together at 4 o'clock on your plate.
• Bread: Keep it on your butter plate and your butter plate, where it is. Eat bread in pieces that you tear off, and butter, one at a time. Leave any butter, or sweetener, wrappers tucked near the right of your dinner plate.
• Conversation: Avoid questions about family and other personal matters, unless your dinner guests bring them up first. Ask open-ended questions such as, "How do you know the host?”
• Suit jackets: Keep them on throughout the meal.
• Lastly, cleaning your plate: Absolutely OK, unless you sop it up with your bread!